A Bump In The Road

My 3 year old babe!

As some of you know our life has taken an unexpected turn... please bear with me as I try to pen some of my thoughts/ journey. Let this be my journal...

Monday, February 15, 2010... I hadn't heard from my mom all day. I had called lots - both her cell and my grams house... I called around 1:00 seeing if she wanted to run to Target with me... the kids were napping and Jarrett was home so I thought we could have some mother - daughter time. I was just going to drive by my grandma's to get her, but since she didn't answer, I figured they had gone out somewhere. Thank you Lord for causing me to keep on driving.

I continued to call because she was supposed to be over first thing in the morning to stay with the kids for the day and overnight. Jarrett and I had an overnight trip planned for sometime now. We were going to the city for some Switchfoot and a night in the city. The Lord had other plans.

By 8:30p.m. still no answer. Dean was home from school for some odd reason that night and I said, "I haven't heard from mom all day and I think something's wrong. Can you ride with me to grandma's?" We got in the car and went over. For some of you who don't know, my grandma broke her femur in September. She had a 1 month stay in the hospital and she was out. She almost passed twice while in there, but the Lord had other plans.

When it was time to leave my mom decided to move in with my grams. Grams was one who was set in her ways so moving in with my mom wasn't an option! My mom packed some things and gladly moved in with her mom. She was an only child so she carried the full responsibility.

When we arrived at my grams, her parking lot was blocked off with yellow crime scene tape and I saw in the distance my grandma's garage door open... WHAT??? I was instantly sick. Dean asked me what was going on.... I asked an officer, what's going on and he told me there was a homicide. I told him that is my grandma's house and my mom lived there. He waved us through.

We were met by a detective. I kept asking was it a double homicide? Did someone break in overnight? Finally he decided to tell me my grandma was killed. Where's my mom? Is she okay? He told us it would be better if we could go down to the station.

There in the small town I grew up in I found out information I thought was impossible. Was I dreaming? Is this real? Why hadn't anyone called us at 2:30p.m. when they found all this out? Why had the media known before us?

Weird, but almost instantaneously I knew the Lord was in control. Maybe that sounds a bit ridiculous, but I did.

Two anti-depressants, one anxiety medication, and one sleep aid - namely Ambien... lack of sleep, stress, and a combination of sin and the enemy... enough to do someone in - that being my mom... someone who I love more than words.

That night only 3 hours of sleep took place on my part. As I tossed and turned, I thought, "Lord if this is how it's going to be, I don't know how I'm going to handle this..." And as I awoke that morning John 8:32 was in my head ..."and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” In that moment I felt the Lord saying to me, by turning herself in, the first step was taken in being "set free." Things could have ended up a lot different, but they didn't. And in those dark moments, the Lord did not leave my mom. He was there and He still is there.

Two days later my sweet princess turned 3. I will never forget her 3rd birthday. Amber and Vernon drove up for less than 1 day just to love us. Thank you sweet friends. And in between those 2 days we planned my grams funeral. Things I never dreamed to be doing. But praise be to God that we were able to get things set so we could take a day and spend it as a family...

Jules was on a flight less than 24 hours later keeping life at home somewhat normal for the kids. Jules, I love you more than I know how to express. Life would be so different without you. Eden was starting to not enjoy all the "meetings" mommy had to go to, but the kids were resilient.

We had a beautiful 2 days remembering the life of my grandma. Over 400 people came to show their love and support for her, my mom, and our family. THANK YOU ALL. I was so overwhelmed by all your love and support. Friends drove in from near and far. One pregnant with a 2 year old who is full of life. Eight hours in 1 day... that is LOVE. Friendship is one of God's greatest gifts. Friends who I haven't seen in over 10 years showed up to give a hug and lend a shoulder to cry on... and through all of this, I had my amazing husband standing by my side strong and sure... unmovable. Unshakable love... overwhelmed by the love of Jesus.

Crazy how the Lord orchestrated all of this before the beginning of time... we buried my grams, had a luncheon provided by an amazing body of believers, and I was 2 hours from seeing my mom for the first time. Nerves... wow... Love...LOve..LOVe...LOVE.... that's all that was going through my head.

A court order went through hours earlier for me to have a contact visit with my mom. I was able to hold her hands, hug her, and look in her eyes and tell her that I/we love her more than ever. People near and far love her and are praying for her and supporting her. She was grateful.

One week went by and Dean and I were able to have another contact visit with her. She was so grateful to see her kids again. She looked better. She missed us and was longing for a Root Beer.

Three days went by and I had my first video conference with her. She was having a hard day. She was visibly sad. They moved her at midnight from the medical side to general population. I think things were setting in. It was awful seeing my mom so sad. My heart was breaking for her, yet I trust this is where the Lord has her.

I immediately called my dad and he set up a video conference for the following day. He saw her Wednesday. She was able to feel his love and support. Thank you Jesus.

This has brought our family closer together than ever and through it all I have fallen deeper in love with Jesus. He is GREATER. He will NEVER fail, and He works all things together for the good of those who love Him (Rom. 8:28). Friends, He is so much BIGGER. He THRIVES in situations like these. His glory shines all around, brighter than ever before. May people see it and grab a hold of it for the first time. May Jesus be my mom's everything. And may Jesus meet her right where she is.

Please pray for my mom.

Pray for wisdom.

Pray that God would be honored and glorified through it all.

This song has been my hearts song through this all. The lyrics echo the song in my heart - Alleluia, Sing by David Crowder Band

Like calm comes to a sea
Like snowfall quietly
You come to me
Like justice to the weak
Like a flood rising
You come, You come to me

And it feels like it's almost here

Alleluia majesty
Alleluia risen king
Alleluia angels sing
Like springtime to winter's hush
Like laughter to solemnness
Like a sun rising up
You come, You come to us

Alleluia majesty
Alleluia king of kings
Alleluia angels sing
Like a song rising up
In your heart filling up
Like a heart's not enough
For this love, for this love

To sing of love, to sing of love
To sing of love, love, love
Alleluia majesty
Alleluia king of kings
Alleluia angels sing

Alleluia sing!

Thanks for listening.

I honestly love each and every one of you. I pray that I can blog often and share what the Lord is doing and just to get some thoughts out!

In Him and For Him,

Erin